Buyer's Remorse

Buyer’s Remorse

The scary thing about writing is the inevitable reveal of the deep truths in our hearts and minds. Yet, these truths are the ones that make writing so valuable to me. Honest writing allows me to have a tangible version of my thoughts, which creates a conscious, anxious response – what once where ideas floating in my head, are now real statements on a piece of paper.

Because of this, I have been avoiding speaking about the dreaded “buyer’s remorse.” You know, the feeling you get after you spent half your paycheck at a bar on a Friday night, or when you buy the unnecessary, expensive pair of socks because they are “cute.” Or perhaps, the feeling you get when you pack a suitcase and a carry-on to move to a country to the other side of the Atlantic. Nonetheless, is the annoying little voice in your head that says, “what the f*ck did I do?”

Now, I am not here to tell you how to shut this voice. I am here to propose the idea that perhaps this little voice has more meaning than just regret. I am sure there is a solution for buyer’s remorse, but what if instead of thinking how to “fix it,” we stop to think about what else it could mean?

To me, it means that there is a family over 1,000 miles away that I am no longer able to visit whenever I want. It means I have to be brave again and keep navigating the beauty of cultural differences. It means I can no longer enjoy the comfort of texting my close group of friends to make plans for a Friday night. It means I am uncomfortable. It means I have done something that has VALUE and MATTERS.

If you ask an artist if they ever question their career choice, they will say, “if you don’t question your career everyday, you are doing it wrong,” – Well, at least I know I am doing it right – and to me, this questioning relates to the scary thought of, “what the f*ck did I do?”

At the end of the day, there is not a simple secret to life. All of us will experience life in a unique way because we all feel, think, love and hurt differently. But, there is something we all have in common, and that is the capability to love and be loved in return. So, when navigating buyer’s remorse, first, know that if you are taking risks, it will appear, no matter how prepared you are. Then, acknowledge it as a reminder that you are capable to love and be loved in return, and maybe instead of calling it “buyer’s remorse” call it “missing the people I love.” And finally, perhaps when that voice is so loud in your head and it just keeps repeating over and over again, “what the f*ck did I do?” take the time and courage to say, “I f*cking took a risk and did something that matters.”